shoulds
I'm still reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project with my book group. I have been pondering a statement she refers to as her "Second Splendid Truth": "One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. / One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself" (216). Quite true, I think, and also quite a bit easier said than done -- but then some of the hardest things in life are the ones most worth doing, aren't they?
I recognize that when I focus upon doing things for others, I often increase my own happiness. I also recognize that when I'm upset, my mood drags the rest of the household down with me, and with a beautiful, bubbly 7-year-old on the premises (not to mention a kind Other Half), that feels really mean.
If others' happiness and mine are interwoven, what makes me happy and thus able to positively impact the well-being of others? Herein lies the deceptively tricky part of the question, because the short answer is, I just don't know -- or perhaps just as much to the point, I am struggling with "does" and "should."
The thing is, I enjoy writing. I enjoy reading. I also enjoy church work, and gardening, and having time to walk to school to pick up Meredith, and hanging laundry on the clothesline, and I really, really like to sew... and I'm not sure what to do with that and a Ph.D. The world tells us so many "shoulds." Some people feel pressured into fulfilling the "traditional" life of a homemaker. Others feel compelled to "put that degree to good use" or to climb a corporate ladder. I can't help but suspect we'd all be quite a bit happier, myself included, if we could break down those boundaries and embrace a more complex vision of ourselves. Is it okay for me to relax into the life of a part-time freelancer and part-time homemaker? (I cringe at even typing that word.) Am I doing what I "should"? Will I contribute more to my family and the world around me if I do what my aspirational self wants to say is "less"?
Discernment is a tricky business, but I keep coming back to Rubin's "truth" as something that is very true indeed... and well worth taking time to ponder.
I recognize that when I focus upon doing things for others, I often increase my own happiness. I also recognize that when I'm upset, my mood drags the rest of the household down with me, and with a beautiful, bubbly 7-year-old on the premises (not to mention a kind Other Half), that feels really mean.
If others' happiness and mine are interwoven, what makes me happy and thus able to positively impact the well-being of others? Herein lies the deceptively tricky part of the question, because the short answer is, I just don't know -- or perhaps just as much to the point, I am struggling with "does" and "should."
The thing is, I enjoy writing. I enjoy reading. I also enjoy church work, and gardening, and having time to walk to school to pick up Meredith, and hanging laundry on the clothesline, and I really, really like to sew... and I'm not sure what to do with that and a Ph.D. The world tells us so many "shoulds." Some people feel pressured into fulfilling the "traditional" life of a homemaker. Others feel compelled to "put that degree to good use" or to climb a corporate ladder. I can't help but suspect we'd all be quite a bit happier, myself included, if we could break down those boundaries and embrace a more complex vision of ourselves. Is it okay for me to relax into the life of a part-time freelancer and part-time homemaker? (I cringe at even typing that word.) Am I doing what I "should"? Will I contribute more to my family and the world around me if I do what my aspirational self wants to say is "less"?
Discernment is a tricky business, but I keep coming back to Rubin's "truth" as something that is very true indeed... and well worth taking time to ponder.
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