daughters (indeed, children)

My sister gave me this miniature rose bush on my first Mother's Day. :-)

It's dance recital week at the Gifford house.  Turns out I'm really bad at applying mascara to 7-year-old eyelashes.  Even more, I'm troubled about the message that mascara is sending.  I want my beautiful girl to feel beautiful for the qualities inherent in her, from her unique features and abilities to the heart she shows toward others.  I am not a no-makeup person.  (It's hard to be a no-makeup person when your eyelashes are blond and your "natural" look resembles a 12-year-old with fine lines.)  I appreciate that stage lights wash out skin tones.  That said, when the 7-year-old piped up "I don't need mascara, because my eyelashes are already beautiful brown!" (as I've told her numerous times) it nearly broke my heart to tell her that we'd be in trouble with the dance academy if we didn't use some.  We will enjoy watching her long, graceful limbs move through the steps of the beginning ballet dance this evening, and I'll proudly take her gorgeous picture -- but no, bunny, you do not need mascara, and I'm really sorry to have to put it on you one more time.

What does it mean not to be conformed to this world?  Whose vision of "womanhood" should be our model?  How do we interpret the messages we are sent from the Bible, our communities, our families and the world around us?  How do we determine what is reasonable (actors do need stage make-up) with what sends a message of inadequacy or of narrowed worth (beauty = outward appearance)?  How do I raise a daughter with confidence in her worth, her beauty and her strength?  When do these compromises move from no big deal (and I realize that may be the case here) to something truly damaging?  Ballet is hard physical work, and dancers are amazing athletes -- so why must we conflate "pretty ballerinas" with fake eyelashes and excessive blush?  Can't we appreciate their beautiful form and grace without those things?  Perhaps I worry too much, but I do not want my child to believe that image is more important than strength or skill.

My conflicted feelings about this week form just one component of a longer journey.  In this new season of my life I hope to pursue a path toward exploring what it means to be a woman -- a person -- of worth and value, living as each of us is intended to live.  (And the answer to that question, the question of how we are "intended" to live, is going to differ for everyone.)  I'll share my thoughts along this journey in hopes that they might be of use to others.  I always welcome thoughts and ideas!